My first semester at NYU was terrible. I was miserable. None of my friends went to school anywhere remotely close to NYC and although I had “friends” here, I never felt like I connected with anyone (except one). I didn’t have the close relationship I now have with my mom, dad, or even Christine. And God? God was a Sunday thing that I did some weeks, some not. My life was about two things: living the “high life” (some of you may not get that one) and my dream of becoming a doctor, of making something of myself. 

  

…and then in an instant, I stood a chance of expulsion. I know it seems stupid, but to me, it was as though all of my hopes and dreams were destroyed. Not only that, but I felt a deep shame for messing up, probably like how the prodigal son felt when he realized how he squandered his father’s inheritance. To me, everything was gone. I remember breaking down on 10th St. & 3rd Ave., and keenly being aware of the presence of God on me. In the midst of overwhelming worry and tears, I heard God saying, “I’ve been calling out for you for so long. I’m here. I’m here.” 

     

What a wake-up call. Right there on the street, I made a decision to trust God and go back to God. To be honest, it wasn’t that hard of a step of faith to take. (I mean what other choice did I have?) But as I came back to God, He welcomed me with open arms like the father did as he ran after his prodigal son, and I experienced the cross as a place of scandalous grace – love expressed at the cost of his son’s life for someone depraved like me. That winter break, as I began praying and seeking God, I realized (or really God just showed me) that although the cross is the place of scandalous grace it’s also a place that calls for dangerous and reckless abandonment to follow Jesus in response to His love, grace and truth. 

      

“You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Jesus said this to a rich man, but these words mess me up. [Luke 18] The point of this story isn’t that riches are evil. Jesus looks into the soul of this guy and he saw the very thing that would prevent him from following him completely, the very thing that would prevent the rich man from being the person that God called him to be and doing the things that God created him to do. I was beginning to learn that following Jesus wasn’t so safe after all.